Be happy right now, right here!

I remember when I was looking for a job, I was miserable, I had low self esteem, and I did not want to meet people, and I did not appreciate life. I used to tell my friends that I will happy when I get a job that would be my break-through in my life.

One of my friends said to me Bongani be happy right now, and take notice of little things that you have in your life, and I asked what little things are you talking about? He said you are still alive; you may not be where you want to be, but be happy because the devil whishes you were dead and you still have your family around you. When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.

I remember on the 26th of November 2003 when I received an interview call from two companies. It was Department of Mineral and Energy and Department of Land Affairs, I was very excited and I said God has answered my call. I attended the interviews and I was successful on both interviews, then I choose one company based on salary scale. I started working on 12th of January 2004 at the Department of Land Affairs

Now I am working and I realized that I am still not happy, I still say if I could get a promotion I would be happy not realizing that I am putting my happiness to some future date. I got a promotion and I was happy for few months. Now I want a car and I said if I could only get a car I would be very happy.

When coming to achieving my goals I would say I would be happy when I achieve this goal, not realizing I must enjoy the journey while working towards my goal

I immediately realized that when I say I will be happy when, then I am putting my happiness on hold:

I will give you an example:

 I will be happy when I am retired.
I will be happy when I have a better job.
I will be happy when I am rich.

I will be happy when I win lottery

I will happy when I loose weight

I will be happy when it’s 5pm Friday

I will be happy when I have a beautiful home.

 Let’s stop putting some rules on our happiness, saying I will be happy when.

I started to be aware of the trap of waiting for a happy future and I decided to be happy right now. There is a lot to appreciate, enjoy and be grateful for in our life right now.

 Sometimes I would give up on my hopes for a happy future and be happy now; instead of waiting for your life to be perfect enjoy your life right now.

 Give up craving and give up waiting.

 Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

 “Unlucky people, if they go to a party wanting to meet the love of their life, end up not meeting people who might become close friends or people who might help them in their careers. Being relaxed and open allows lucky people to see what’s around them and to maximize what’s around them.”
–Prof Richard Wiseman

 “Your beliefs and attitude will influence how you see the world. Our beliefs and attitude are like our glasses through which we see the world.”
-Phil McNally, ‘Winning Mentality-7 Mind Techniques Used By Winners’

 “We see things not as they are, but as we are.” -Kant, German philosopher

 We see what we want to see. We appreciate what we appreciate. Stop craving. Start enjoying.

 Our happiness is in our hands. Happiness is a journey not a destination.

Have a HAPPY NOW day!

 Keep positive!

 

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Forgiveness is the best cure

Being a child growing under divorced parents and being confused what really happened between my parents and not knowing where my real home is. I was raised by father who is very loving and supporting; and someone who loves education.

But there was something bothering my father that I could not finger it out especially when I talked about my mother and I asked myself what really went wrong between them. My father got married to another woman who became my step-mother at first the relationship between her and I was perfect, as years went by my mother showed up at father’s place looking for me and I did not know my mother till I was thirteen years and that caused the relationship between my step-mother and I to become sour.

My father was not around when my mother showed up, my mother introduced herself to my step-mother and by that time I was in the bedroom, so I was called to meet my mother and I felt like my prayers have been answered and scared at the same time. I had so many questions but afraid to ask. My mother explained herself to us that she is my mother and that she is being looking for me for a long time.

When my father came back, my step mother told my father that my biological mother came looking for me and my father was very furious but still he did not tell what went wrong between them. My step mother started treating me very badly. During that year I did not get christmas clothes and I asked my biological mother to buy some clothes for the christmas and my father refused.

I remember one morning when I was preparing myself for school, my step mother told me that my father’s house is not my home and the car that my father was driving was not mine, I should go to my mother that is where my home is. Those words hurt me so much and I did not even contrate in the class that day and my performance at school was deteriorating.

Each after school when I think about going home I would be very sad wishing that I could sleep at school. I was in my own world suffering and when I am in my bedroom, I would just cry thinking that I was born in wrong family. I felt so alone and I thought that my father did not love me.

One friday afternoon, I disappeared without any trace, I went to stay with my biological mother and everything was fine. Saturday morning my step came to my mother’s place looking for me and my mother told her that I was fine; and  she should leave me alone. I stayed with my mother for eight months and during that period, someone told me that my father is divorcing my step mother. I was very excited about the news.

I told my mother the news and I asked her to go back to stay with my father, and she agreed. I went back to stay with my father and he took me back, and he promised me to take me to private school. I started my grade 10 in private school where my father was paying a lot of money every month. During weekends I would pay my mother a visit but my father was not happy with that.

One sunday afternoon when I was from my mother, my father called me and said that we need to talk, he explained everything that went wrong between him and my mother, he asked to stop seeing my mother because he was afraid that my mother could give me something that could kill him and I was very angry thinking how could he think that I will kill him, and furthermore he said that if I want to see my mother then she should pay my fees, I felt like I am a lottery between my parents, I was not feeling any love at all.

I asked myself what kind of love is this? but I stopped seeing my mother for the sake of my future and I told myself that when time is right I will ask all the questions. The problem with our parents is that they die with the secrets that affect their children’s life and that’s being selfish. I was dying inside not seeing my mother and I was praying to God to keep her until we meet again.

I did not see my mother until I was at tertiary and when I was doing my second year I started contacting my mother and I paid her  a visit without my father knowing, the mistake I did is when I gave her the cellphone number to contact me and one day I forgot to take my cell phone at home and my mother called and the phone was answered by another step mother whom my father got married to for the third time and she lealised that it was my mother looking for me and she said I was not around, she took the message. When I was from school, she told me that my mother called and the news were relayed to my father and my father asked to choose between him and my mother, and he repeated the same words that if I want to go my mother, she should pay all my fees.

I stopped seeing my mother again until I graduated. When I started to work, I went back to seeing my mother and I asked her tell me everything that happened between her and my father, and she told me something totally different from what my father told me and I did not choose any side, I said to my mother lets start all over again and this time I will never disappear.

Now being a young adult, I approached my father and told him how I felt about everything that he did, and I realised that he is still hurting from the past, he does not want to let go. Today, I am about to get married and I have asked my uncles on my mother’s side to go to pay lobola at my fiancee’s parents home and I told my father that I want my uncles to come straight to him to give a feed back of the negotiations, he refused and said that he does not want them in his home because he had a fight with my mother three decades ago.

I asked him that what is he teaching my younger brothers, basically he is teaching them not forgive and take their hurts to the grave yard and that’s how most people live their lives and they are hurting themselves . Forgiving is not a choice but it is a necessity. When you forgive someone, it is like you are realising that person from your system and you feel free.

My fiancee and I have decided that we will have our wedding in city hall without bothering anyone, I really do not know what is going to happen because I want both my parents to be present, they have to get together for my own sake, because that would be my biggest day ever, so I do not want any interruptions.

Most people do not realise that success comes from inside-out, if you are hurting inside and you are not willing to forgive, you are blocking your own success, now looking at my father life, it is not pleasing at all and I told him that he is  struggling because of the anger that he has inside and is killing him. Today he suffering from hypertension because of this anger and where there is anger, there is danger, someone might die prematurely.

The best revenge you can give your enemies is to forgive them, it is the last thing your enemies want you to do.

A person should leave by the following steps:

  • Acknowledge that you are hurting
  • Check if you do not have a share in the conflict, no matter how small, if there is any share forgive yoursef
  • Be thankful that the hurt you are experiencing is not bigger than it is
  • Choose to forgive
  • Be commited to your choice by resisting any temptation to justify unforgiveness
  • Communicate and clear the air
  • Pursue restoration-if nothing changes, do not push it, it is not your duty-realise the person
  • Let go of the past, move on and embrace the future.

May the love of God bless you all!

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Self-talk….treasure your words

I remember when I was young, life was great, I used to tell my friends about my dreams and my ambitions and I was fascinated by everything that I came across. After my matric, I went to tertiary to study Internal Auditing and I graduated. Now facing the corporate looking for a job, I was looking for a job for three years and no opportunity came my way; and my self-esteem started to sink as I was getting old facing the challenges of the world. Being raised by a single parent, my father, I blamed everything on why my parents had divorced. During my tertiary, I wanted to visit my mother and my father refused, he actually swore that should l go to my mother nothing will go right for me, he had anger from the past between him and my mother, and I was the victim who was suffering the most because he blackmailed me that if I went to my mother, she will have to pay my fees and knowing that my mother was not working, I had no choice but to stay with him in order to complete my studies. While struggling looking for a job, I remembered the words that my father said to me that nothing will go right for me and myself-talk started to change, sometimes I wished that I was never born or I wish I could just die and forget about everything. My confidence was damaged. I stopped applying for a job and I was very tired of sending CVs to every company and get no reply or phone call for an interview and I also stopped carrying my cell phone with me. I gave up on myself entirely.

Because God is great, when you have done doing things by yourself and knowing that you have tried everything, that is where God comes in to lift you up, Two companies called looking for me on the same day inviting me for an interview, my father answered my cell phone and he took the message, on that day I was in town to meet a certain guy who was helping to get a job and he took my CV thereafter I went back home, when I arrived at home, my father relayed the good news that I had two interviews on different dates and it was an internship program. I attended those interviews and I passed both of them now I had to choose which company I would like to work for, I compared their offer and took the highest offer.

I was very excited that now I am working but myself-talk did not change even though I got a job. I was negative about everything. If someone would compliment me, I would say stop playing with me. I always compared myself to other people; felt like I was a no body and that there was nothing that I can do right. Sometimes I would say that I was born in a wrong family, I was not meant to be successful and that it was not easy to make money.

After my internship program, I stayed at home for two months and I was invited to another interview, it was an employment agency while they were interviewing me, there was another person in the boardroom who was assessing me the way I presented myself, then after the interview I was given a report, the report stated that I am depressed and am lacking self confidence.

I started to read self help books and learning more about affirmations statements saying good things about yourself. I wrote the negative statements about myself and changed them into positive statements:

Negative statements

I am born to be poor

I cannot achieve anything

I am no body

I am not unique

Positive statements

I am born to succeed

I can easily achieve anything I set my mind to

I am unique and am God’s image

I am somebody

Ask yourself one million dollar question: How much do you love yourself? If you undermine yourself, you are giving permission to other people to undermine you and always be careful what you say to your kids or to someone who worth your opinion . Remember treasure your words.

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